...because none have been used at all. Fair warning. You may proceed.
Yesterday's Foolery post about a completely insensitive first-grade teacher sparked a little memory of my own. In first grade, it was a well-known rule that one was not allowed to have a pencil in the cafeteria. Adult me wonders "Whaaa?" and thinks that rule seems to have no purpose behind it. Child me thought, "that rule is stupid and has no purpose behind it -- and if it's a dumb rule, there's no reason I shouldn't break it." We had to sit in alphabetical order at the lunch table. My last name started with K, and my best friend's last name started with B, and even at five I was a dorky little serious geek, so I was pretty lonely at lunch time. One day I snuck a pencil into the cafeteria because I thought that when I was finished eating, I could write stories on my napkin till lunch hour was over. (Spell check doesn't think snuck is a word, by the way. What else could possibly be the past tense of to sneak?) There I was, happily starting to compose a little something on my napkin, when in swooped the teacher from behind and snatched the pencil, her long red fingernails scraping the back of my hand in the process as she hissed in my ear, "NO pencils in the lunch room!" I was mortified. And bleeding. And goody-two-shoes enough not to do so much as look her in the eye for the rest of the day let alone ever try that again. And adult me is still outraged. 33 years later.
Conversation at our house a few days ago
Son: More milk!
Me: [not looking up from computer] Excuse me?
Son: More milk please
Me: [pause while typing]
Son: Can you get me some more milk, please?
Me: Well, I'm right in the middle of something; I'll get you some in just a minute.
Son: [without missing a beat] Are you in the middle of camping, or working on your computer, or flying on a rocket?
Apparently, you can ignore a child into politeness, but you cannot remove the smartass.
THEOREM
To keep your computer mouse grease-free, do not eat leftover fried chicken while scrolling through your blog reader.
COROLLARY
Or, hire a cleaning service named The Dog Who Would Lick Anything.
Saturday, May 17, 2008
No Segues Have Been Harmed in the Creation of This Post...
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9 comments:
Or I'll eat the chicken.
Mmmmmm, fried chicken.
I put up a post today called "Fair Warning," and then I noticed that you had posted that in your subtitle. We're on the same page.
What prompts these people to work with children, anyway? Now there are TWO teachers who could've used a good smack.
Also, what's up with eating in alphabetical order? Maybe some cafeteria people needed smacks, too. ;)
Shame on the red-nailed dragon lady. And woot, woot for your little girl protest.
As for your son, love it!
*Snicker*
That's the name of my cleaning service too! OH! And was the no pencil rule to keep kids from scribbling on the tables perchance?
Because we have a similar rule that states that no kid is to have a permanent marker ANYWHERE at ANYTIME. :)
That TOTALLY happened to me except it was a coat and a cafeteria lady and I had to apologize to her in front of the whole school
Bitch.
PS. You rock: http://blogs.chron.com/goodmombadmom/2008/05/bs_sunday.html
Jenny, cafeteria ladies might be even meaner than first-grade teachers. They are certainly scarier. We should write a book about the scars children carry from the elementary school lunchroom. Perhaps we could call it: Ketchup Isn't Just for Eating.
And I adore you and now want to have your babies (well, whatever, we're not after biological accuracy here) for the BS Sunday shout-out! Thank you.
Amen. Except that my mom is a cafeteria lady and she kicks ass. She's righting the wrong of crappy-ass-mean cafeteria ladies everywhere.
Your son and my son should never hang out. They would end up ruling the world with their quick witty comments.. hahaha
Haha, I think your son and my daughter would be best friends.
DD: Mommy why do you have a tatoo on your butt?
ME: Because at one time mommy thought it was a good idea.
DD: ohhh, when you were young and skinny?
THANK YOU Darling... I'm off to eat my weight in ice cream and vodka now... run along and play.
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