The Things They Say

It's hard to know where some of these doozies come from, and yet, there they are. Fully articulated sentences or ideas, usages of the English language that you never thought possible, bursting forth from your children's mouths in all their glory. I never know what to do when faced with these gems. Part of me wants to laugh, of course. But then, that only encourages behavior or phrases I want to quash. Now I know why my grandmother had such a cough when we were young. It was an excellent way to choke back inappropriate laughter.

Son's new favorite epithet, which he trots out whenever he needs an exclamation of surprised annoyance: "Crapfish!" I have no idea where he came up with that combination; neither Husband nor I say "crap!" -- which is a word you'd think he would have had to have heard somewhere. But he says he "just thought of it in my mind."

Words you don't really want to hear coming from the back seat of the car: "Do NOT put my hat out the window. DO NOT. It will blow away." "It won't blow away," she snorts in response to his demand. "It's not even windy out." Thereby engendering terrible visions in my mind's eye of children losing the limbs that they insist on hanging out of car windows on the grounds that "nothing will happen; nothing can touch my hand except the air."

Loudest shouted phrase coming from the bathroom recently: "Mama! MAMA! Come and see my Eiffel Tower poop!!"

Inane questions they ask each other, thereby cracking each other up: "Are poop and pee your best friends?"

Nicest thing I've heard from the back seat of the car recently: (while Daughter was crying) "Do you want me to hold your hand? Here. Give me your hand. There. Is that better?" And it was better. She stopped crying. "That was a very kind thing to do," I said over my shoulder to Son. "Yes, he responded. We like to hold hands."

Craziest part about the things they say: I now find myself hissing out "Crapfish!" under my breath in place of harsher expletives. It's an oddly satisfying swear.