Dear Costco,

I realize that your milk jugs are more efficient from the standpoint of fitting into a refrigerator, but surely SOMEONE in your design lab must have tried to pour a liquid out of the jug prototypes before giving the thumbs up to rolling out millions of the maddening things.

NO?

Well, let me explain what happens when I -- a perfectly able-bodied, pretty well-educated, experienced mother of two, who has poured A LOT of milk in her day -- go to pour a glass for my children.

The first thing I notice when I pick it up is that the balance feels off. I realize this is probably because I am used to milk jugs that are smaller on the top than on the bottom, while yours is a perfect rectangle. And I realize that a perfect rectangle certainly must store and ship more neatly. But I'll tell you this: as someone who actually likes to POUR her milk, rather than just transport and store it, that rectangle is a problem. It feels top heavy, and it has no pouring spout, and the mouth of it is too big. These three things conspire to force the milk to come out too quickly and in too much volume and too close to the side of the jug.

Frankly, it seems extremely well designed if your aim is to hurl milk in the general direction of a cup.

But as for the fine maneuver of avoiding spills? That is simply impossible with this jug. I don't think I have EVER poured a glass of milk for myself or my children, filled a cereal bowl, added a dab to a coffee, or measured out some milk for a recipe without having to clean the counter afterwards. And sometimes the floor. Occasionally, the splashing fountain of milk ruins an outfit.

It makes me wonder: who designed these jugs anyway? Kittens? They're the only ones I can think of who would benefit from that much spillage.

I get that you want to be environmentally friendly, and, sure, I give you kudos for that. I can read, after all, and I saw that New York Times story about how these jugs save 60-70% of the previous water usage for milk bottling processing, and how the fuel for transport has been reduced by over half, and how three times the gallons can be stored the same cooler space occupied by 1/3 of the old jug style. And darn if I am not impressed with all that energy savings!

But would it have killed you to do all those things with your newfangled packaging and also give just a little bit of thought to how we were going to get the milk out again?

That is, for most of us anyway, the reason we buy the giant jugs in the first place.

With best wishes for speedy improvements to your design team (may the current team members wilt slowly in a shallow puddle of milk),

MommyTime